The Space Between
“Between the stimulus and response, there is a space.
And in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our responses.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor Frankl
Many of us often feel like there is a chasm between who we are and who we want to be. The beginning of a new year, especially, we’re bombarded with messaging of how to improve ourselves, enhance productivity and time management, and overhaul our habits. There’s pressure to claim this year as YOUR YEAR— to start strong, to produce, perform, and put your best foot forward.
I’m tired just thinking about it. You, too?
Our sense of self can quickly get lost in the noise and hustle of well-intended resolutions and goal-setting. After all, personal growth is rarely a bad thing. Unfortunately, what’s intended as a time of reflection can take on a life of its own with the chaotic nature of social media shouting competing ideas about how we should reflect, what goals we should set, and the 5 steps we should take right now to ensure our new year is off to the best start.
But what happens when year after year, we start and stop, we try and fail, we go “all-in” and give up? We feel defeated before we even get started. Does that mean we’re not capable of growth and change? Or does it mean there might be another, maybe even a better, way?
My own time of reflection this year took on a new shape, and honestly, a whole new purpose. I decided this year, I don’t need to be “fixed”. Nothing about my life needs overhauled or reimagined. Sure, there are habits I’d like to break (I curse like a sailor and reload my Starbucks card far too often) and new things I’d like to try (new recipes and learning the guitar), but nothing about my existence is fundamentally broken and in need of repair.
I used author Emily P. Freeman’s “10 Questions for Reflection and Discernment”, listed below:
What worked?
What didn’t work?
What do I need more of next time?
What was the loneliest part?
When did I feel most like myself?
In what areas did my confidence grow?
Who or what have I learned the most from?
What were my favorite yeses?
What were my surest nos?
What’s one thing I know for sure?
What I found from taking this time was that more worked than didn’t, I have much to be proud of, and I feel confident about how I want this year to take shape. This reflection has deepened a resolve to be softer, kinder, and more true to myself in how I show up, both personally and professionally. It helped me carve out an intention to create for the joy of creating—to write, reflect, and share for the sake of my own growth and joy. I feel motivated to live unhurried, breathing deeper and falling in love with this life, the one right in front of me. Because after this past year, I’ve learned that’s what works best for me.
Looking back on years past, I see I’ve yielded far too often to the standards of success set forth by experts, coaches, and self-made success stories. I’ve listened to their podcasts, taken detailed notes, and TRIED SO HARD to get it all JUST RIGHT. For what? For likes, follows, reposts, and shares. To be noticed. To feel important. To build something that coincidentally was tearing me down. I don’t know much, but I know this isn’t how I want to live.
So, I simultaneously wish them well and I unsubscribe from their way of doing things. Because it’s not working for me. I don’t think it ever was. I’ve turned myself inside-out for an ever-elusive measuring stick of “making it”. Now I’m going to find what works for me. I hope you do, too.
Moving forward, my intention is to no longer cater to an audience but to create community. My focus is to share from experience and to encourage others to live and lean into their own. Less production, more humanity. Less perfection and aesthetic, more authenticity and purpose. If it resonates, I’m so grateful and I’m glad we’re in this together. If it doesn’t, please know it’s your choice to leave any spaces that don’t feel right for you.
Friend, may this be the year we allow joy to run wild, uphold growth as our measure of success, and let a grounded sense of self show us the way. May our days be filled with compassion, connection, and courage to grow deeper into the beauty of our lives.
May 2024 be YOUR YEAR because you showed up and chose to live YOUR life. A year from now, I hope you stand in the confidence that you fell in love with your life, the one right in front of you. ✨
